I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
