Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
