note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
