my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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