Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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