the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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