I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize