that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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