Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
As shirtless as possible
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
