get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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