you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
