So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
