they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
