how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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