A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
