She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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