We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
