Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
