I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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