I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
