I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
