Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Send help, water and tortillas.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
