Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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