I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
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Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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