i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
