About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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