D3 body, D1 cock
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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