The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
