everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
