all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
