omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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