Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
