you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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