see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
