rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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