Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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