how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
