So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
