Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
