I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
farters have to be the big spoon...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
