is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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