I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
