How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
