i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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