The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize