I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
