She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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