He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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