Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
