just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
