Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
