OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
