he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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