I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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