I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
