did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
love makes seman taste better
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
