she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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