There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
