I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
