Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
