Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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